God Sent Me A Miracle

As we go through our day to day lives, it's sometimes easy to forget that there is someone above who cares about us, and can help us over the rough spots.  It was for me, anyway.  Lost in misery, I almost made the biggest mistake of my life, and this is the story of my miracle.  Yes, there are animals involved. 

I moved to Pennsylvania when I was a young teenager.  I had bounced around the country with my family, and when we moved to the suburbs of Philadelphia, it became my home.  I grew up through the rebellious years, and into adulthood as a northern girl.  I met and married my husband and we had three children.  After 30 years of mostly rough times, I discovered that he had been unfaithful to me many, many times, and that my children had not only known, but had been forced to keep the secret of his infidelity.  I decided that it would be best for all of us if I simply moved.  After 4 months of separation, I made the decision to move back "home" to my roots, and to my mother. 

It was a huge culture shock for me, after living in the big city.  It was all so different, and I missed my home so badly.  But, it was time to move ahead.  After six months of working as a school bus driver, being paid so much less than I had been paid up north, I decided to take a job at Walmart instead.  The only position that was available was stocking food shelves overnight.   I quit my school bus driving job, and started working as an overnight stocker.  

One night on the job was enough to convince me that I had made the wrong decision.  I hated the job.  I could not lift the items they expected me to lift, and I could not work at the rate at which they expected me to work.  It was a complete and total nightmare, but it was the only job I had, so I dutifully appeared at the Forest store, on time, wearing as cheerful a face as I could muster.  From February to April, I did nothing more than work, sleep, eat, repeat.  My days off were spent in a fog.  I was so tired I could not function.  I was depressed.  

Easter Sunday, I attended church with my mother.  I left her house after dinner, and went home with all intentions of sleeping before going to work, but sleep just wouldn't come.  I felt ill and depressed.  As the time for my departure for work came closer, I became more depressed.  I just couldn't do it.  I could not make myself go into work.  I hated the job, I hated most of the supervisors, and I hated the work, so I called and reported off.  I thought that would make me feel better, but I still had to go to that job the next night, and the next night and on and on.  I began to think about my future, and I realized that there wasn't one.  I had spent my retirement fund the previous year - it cost money to move my meager belongings 1200 miles from the only place I had ever known as home, and I had to buy a car.  

My day to day existence was dependent on the small salary I drew from Walmart.  I can't begin to describe the turmoil I went through that evening.  It was a long night filled with thoughts such as, "if Walmart is all I have, then I have nothing at all".  Finally, after tossing and turning, and lots of crying and pleading with God, and receiving no answers, I decided that I simply could not endure one more moment, feeling as hopeless as I was.  I decided that death was the only answer.   

I got out of my bed, where I had been laying with my two dogs, Sam and Lily, and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water, and the bottle of aspirin.  In the dark, I poured out a handful of pills, and walked back to the bedroom.  Laying there, I tried to conjure up the courage to follow through with my plan.  I had the desire, I had the means, but I lacked the courage to put my plan into action.  

I felt so full of despair, and just at the exact moment when I was finally ready to put those pills into my mouth, I heard the slap of the dog door I had installed in the back door of my trailer house, and then, I heard a sound I had only heard once, years ago.....it was the cry of a baby rabbit in distress.  There was a flurry of activity - Sam and Lily, were instantly alert, clamoring to come out from under the blankets, the soft thud of a cat jumping up onto the bed, the growl of another cat......What in the world was going on?  I poured my handful of tablets onto the night table, reached for the bedside light, and adjusted my eyes to the glare.  Now, there was a bunny loose in my bedroom, and the cat, Riley, was perched on top of my dresser, preparing to pounce on his prey while  Buster, my other cat was in full hunt mode as well. Sam and Lily were frantic to find this soft, innocent creature but were entangled in the blankets and couldn't get loose. 

I couldn't very well put my plan into action with all this commotion going on.  So, out of bed I came, tossed all animals out of the bedroom, and closed the door.  Now, the scared rabbit was nowhere in sight, and I really didn't feel like looking for it, but the animals, all combined 40 pounds of them, were threatening to break down the door, so I had to do something.  I would simply find the baby bunny, put him outside, and then I could take my own life.  Finally, I walked to the door, and grabbed Riley, slammed the door with the other three pets on the other side, and told him to find that blasted bunny.  He stalked and sniffed, and finally his body language told me that he had indeed found it.  It was huddled behind a bookcase.  I blocked one side, and managed to find a small box, and shooed it inside.  He was a tiny little thing, and scared to death.  I opened the bedroom door, and as I was leaving the room, en route to the front door, my other, not too intelligent pets rushed in.  

I went to the front door, and released the rabbit, and went back to the bedroom, into chaos.  Sam and Lily were sniffing around, and rushing from one piece of furniture to another, whining and growling.  Buster and Riley were sulking, and for the rest of the night, it went on like that.  One dog would report that he had found the bunny, and together they would attempt to squeeze under pieces of furniture they could never hope to squeeze under.  I had managed to remove the bunny, unharmed, without my pets knowing about it, so for the remainder of the night, the reports of bunny sightings continued.  

In the hours' time that it took me to find the bunny, remove the bunny, and calm everyone down, I had forgotten my feelings of despair.  Even then, laying in my bed, I was pretty sure of what had just happened - God had sent my cat, Riley, into my house with another choice for me.  I chose life.  I finally slept that night, but not well.  I awoke the next morning with a plan.  Education was the answer, not death.  I called the college I now attend, and set my plan into action, and I have never looked back.  I worked at Walmart for just over a year, hating every second of it.  Each time I wanted to quit, I looked back on that night and realized that I wasn't going to be there forever.  I only had to keep that job until I finished college. 

I'm one short semester away from finishing school, and moving forward.  I can't seem to find a job anywhere, now, but hopefully, soon I will be able to use what I have learned.  My most important lesson has been that you don't know how strong you are, until you are called upon to be strong.  It's been a hard path to walk, but I know it was a journey that God wanted me to take.  He gave me a calling to care for His creatures, and then He sent his creatures to take care of me.  I'm grateful.